Let me run through the thoughts that go on immediately post medical school exam.
1.) Anger- no, not at anyone particular - just pure rage
2.) Anxiety- all the worrying sinks in
3.) Fear about never being a good doctor one day
4.) Overwhelming sadness
Wake up to this video, re-humble myself, and remember I always have at least 2 options in front of me no matter what the situation. The series of decisions, actions and reactions to life is what makes up how we live and what the environment looks like around us. If I chose to carry those feelings around all the time without letting them go, I would create a world that looked just like those feelings around me. That is not a loving world. Or, I could take a moment, just a moment, and think about my breathing and my words simply for the purpose of not creating more chaos in the world.
Coming home to ourselves in the moments where we are so disappointed with ourselves is so important yet not easy. Think about this scenario: you are in high school, you did something wrong at school, and you know your teacher called your house; furthermore, an angry parent is waiting for you when you return home from school. Do you go home willingly with a smile on your face? I don't. I want to avoid all disappointment at all times. The problem is if I don't take time to admit I am a human being to myself, forgive myself and move on from bad tests and other unavoidable conflicts and opportunities for disappointment, I'm pretty sure I take that anger out on others. Again, that's not a pretty world to live in.
The other choice is harder and more uncomfortable. It requires authentic flexibility: not the kind where you slough everything off like it's fine but really are boiling inside. It takes practice and daily stretching. With that, I need to get my stretching on, but I'll leave with one final thought from Maya Angelou as today is the first day of Black History month.
"No human being can be more human than another human being. You can be younger and prettier and finer and richer, but you can't be more human...in order to keep a person down, you have to be down there with them." Maya Angelou